Lay back and think of England!

31 August 2010

From conversations recently I think that's how many of us are approaching life.

Before you disagree could you please just do an inventory of all areas of your life and confirm how many of them you're perfectly happy with.

Work?
Relationship?
Family?
Friends?
Health?
Fitness?
Home?
Hobbies?
Contribution?

How did you get on?

What I've noticed is we do really seem to put up with a lot of what should be unacceptable in our lives. We just say "That's life", "That's business", "That's relationships for you", "That's just the way it is" or even "That's old age for you."

I had a conversation a few weeks ago with someone who was putting their physical and emotional symptoms down to old age. The problem with that is old age doesn't go away and yet the symptoms could. I remember the new lease of life my dad got when at the age of 75 he got his first PC, or how much happier a friend was when she changed her eating habits, or another friend took up a hobby.

Please don't just lay back and think of England and put up with a life that's not making you happy. Identify the symptoms and then explore the opportunities to getting to the other side. There are always many more opportunities than you think.

and that's me now off on holiday for a PC free week - wooop woop

Helping you find passion in life

Alison
alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159
www.alisonsmith.eu

It might look, feel or sound right to you - but what about to them?

18 July 2010

The means of the communication is the response that we get. In other words if someone doesn't understand what we're saying or even worse has got angry about it often it's not the message they're reacting to but how we're communicating it.

When we communicate with others we often do so in a way that best works for us. However the person we're wishing to communicate to may have different preferences to us. If we don't change how we're communicating to them we'll therefore often miss the opportunity for them to truly understand our message - we might as well be speaking a foreign language.

The key is understanding the different preferences that exist and adapting our communication appropriately to reflect these. Here's just a few suggestions on the different types of preferences we have.
NB Someone's language and behaviour will often give their preference away once we start paying attention to it.

Look/Feel/Sound
Are they more visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If visual we'll certainly get a better response if we provide a picture or diagram than a 10 page report. Pay attention to the words used too.
If auditory - words such as clarity, harmony, question, tell etc will resonate with the person.
If visual - words such as vision, focus, insight, perspective etc will provide more clarity.
If Kinaesthetic - words such as feel, flow, balance, hold will enable them to grasp what you're saying.

Achievement/Affiliation/Power
Which of these motivates the person the most. It's certainly worth remembering not to tell someone who's motivated by achievement that what they are doing will help them bond with the team. They want to hear words like success, results, aim, goal etc. Affiliation people want to hear words like harmony, support, share, rapport etc. Those motivated by power want to hear words like control, command, impact, influence etc. Well they do if they're motivated 'towards' these things. You'll have to use others words if they're really motivated 'away from' failure, being alone or weak!

Sameness/Difference
If someone looks for sameness then don't tell them all the ways the new system is different to the old one - tell them the similarities first. If they desire difference give it to them.

Options/Procedures
You'll certainly get resistance if you give a set of instructions to someone who has a preference for options and variety. Conversely telling someone who likes a procedure to be flexible may generate resistance instead.

Detail/Big Picture
Don't jump in with lots of details until you've determined whether they like it - many people only need to know the big picture in order to make a decision, many others want to know the big picture to get an idea of whether they want to hear the detail. Someone who likes details loves it and the more the better.

As our preferences come over in all our communications I wonder what preferences you think I may have? and how could I have changed what I said to make more sense for you?

I thought you knew?

12 July 2010

Much is said about how recognition helps with retention of staff and it comes in many forms. For today I'd like to concentrate on the appreciation from a manager of a job well done and how that appreciation is communicated?

Since we often show appreciation as we ourselves would like to be appreciated I'd like to flag to the 40% who know you've done a good job, and don't need to be told, that there's another 40% who need to be told (apparently the remaining 20% do a bit of both). I can assure you that just because you keep giving them the best projects, keep giving them raises and never shout at them doesn't mean they know they've done a good job. I'd even go so far as to suggest that many will continue to doubt they do a good job until they hear otherwise. Just think what that doubt is doing to their performance.

The form and timing of that communication is also important. That is will the individual get more from a public or a private thank you, is it enough to say it or does it mean more in writing? For me I realised that the more the person had gone out of their way to show appreciation the more it meant. So just telling me at the end of a conversation about something else didn't have the same impact as, for example, someone I've never met ringing me within hours of reading my newsletter to say it had had a profound impact on their day.

So please for the 40% who need to know don't just assume they know they've done a good job - tell them.

What's on your To Be list?

24 June 2010

It came into my heart to do it

18 June 2010

On the way home from a meeting last night I was listening to the Archers on the radio and Eddie Grundy said "It just came into my heart to do it". I just think that's such a wonderful saying. I often use 'it came to mind' and wonder what I'd do differently if I did listen to my heart a little more often? What about you?

How does your garden grow?

17 June 2010

A recent conversation with my neighbour with whom I have an adjoining garden made me realise we have very different views on what efficiency in the garden means. I'd suggest we're at different parts of the spectrum.

To me efficiency in the garden is ensuring I give the flowers optimum and natural conditions for flowering - sun, water, space etc. I'd also suggest it's about me also being able to use the space for relaxation etc. So I place my attention on activities that support this happening. Therefore you may well find weeds in my garden and moss in my lawn but unless I have the time, and unless they're getting in the way of me achieving my desired outcome, I wont do anything more about them.

My downstairs neighbour has a different strategy. It feels to me like their attention is not on the desired outcome but instead they're concentrating more on a to do list e.g "Can we cut back this paeony because it's stopping me cutting the grass" - when it's just about to flower. My outcome of beautiful flowers in the garden is greater than my desire to have the grass a few inches shorter for the next couple of weeks. My neighbour would disagree.

It did get me thinking though about efficiency at work. I like many people have a to do list. Yet how many of those things would be on that to do list if I applied the same logic to my work as I do my garden? and in the past how much stress have I given myself by rigidly keeping to my to do list when it no longer serves the outcome I want?

Which all reminds me about a card I have which says "The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgement" - isn't efficiency about determining just what and how many of those weeds need taking out rather than removing every last one?

Do you know or do you need to be told

16 June 2010

I saw the next door cat as I came home last night. Well I heard her first - as they've just added a collar with bell to try to stop her catching birds. Poor thing looked very dejected as she walked along the path. From the point of view of the cat I would imagine she's happy if she catches the bird and yet her owners are happy when she doesn't. In this instance it's really easy to understand what a good day looks like for both parties and understand how they are different. The cat's also unlikely to be impacted by the owners beliefs and visa versa.

In our lives I'm not sure it's always that easy. I had a GREAT day yesterday and yet is that because I know I did or because this morning I've had tweets and emails thanking me for the inspiration in my blog, newsletter, coaching and a workshop? and if I hadn't got that response or even worse if I'd got less than enthusiastic responses would it have meant it wasn't a great day or I hadn't done a good job?

I know our goals have an impact on the judgements we make but there's also something else that impacts us and that's whether we're internally or externally referenced. That is do you know you've done a good job or do you need someone else to tell you?

Both have their down sides - someone who is internally referenced and knows they've done a good job can find it hard to see other people's points of view and not understand nor accept feedback on how their performance could have been improved. Those who are externally referenced may sit there waiting for feedback and if it's less than positive may take it very much to heart.

The key is understanding your preference and the up and down side of this. Then working on either being more open to others opinions or not needing them at all. When working with others it's about understanding their preference too and perhaps ensuring those externally referenced get the praise and you find a way of providing feedback to those who are internally referenced in a way that they are able to hear.

I know for me it's about listening more to my intuition in the moment about whether I'm doing a good job and turning down the negative internal chatter that appears after I've finished anything that seems to undermine my achievements.

What about you? Do you need to listen more to others feedback or turn down your sensitivity to their comments?

Pleasure - are you getting enough?

14 June 2010

"You must love waking up to that view" said a friend at the weekend?
(For those that don't know it's a view which includes the beach, the Firth of Forth and Edinburgh on the skyline and one that I often maintain keeps me sane.)
"I'm not sure I notice it anymore" I replied!

Just one of many reminders this weekend that I'm forgetting to stop and take pleasure in the small things.

The other example was whilst having a facial. The women took her time as she applied the facial scrub and then the face mask. I found it wonderfully relaxing as she placed hot towels on my face and gently used them to remove the scrub and later the mask from my face. Again the application of moisturiser was delightful. A pleasurable experience and one that left me feeling relaxed, positive and good about myself.

I don't know about you but when left to my own devices I don't take that time, I don't delight nor revel and take pleasure from many of my daily routines - and yet the answer should be why?

In a day that's full of doing and sometimes a distinct lack of pleasure why not take those extra few minutes throughout the day to give yourself a boost of pleasure by taking time to look at the view or savour your favourite lunch.

I'd love to know how you get on - so do share your little pleasures with us so we may be inspired to find them in everything we do too.

Who are we not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

10 June 2010

'...we ask ourselves "who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" Actually who are you not to be...' Marianne Williamson

I painted this plate with Marianne's words on my recent holiday and now have a daily reminder as I eat of how fabulous I am :-).

The quote also goes on to say
'..as we let our light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same...'

I wonder what daily reminders you have around you to ensure you too remember to allow your light to shine and remember how brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous you are?

Are you in 1st or 5th gear or on cruise control?

28 May 2010

Go on humour me and just try sitting there doing nothing for 5 minutes.

Please.

How did you get on? I would imagine there will have been a number of reactions:

Not bothering to do nothing
Start and give up after a minute
Do nothing with one eye on the Internet
Do nothing successfully for 5 minutes
Do nothing for 10 minutes

It was such great weather at the weekend - yes even in Scotland - so I sat in the garden chatting with a friend. We must have been there for 4 hours. During that time I never managed more than 20 minutes in the chair at any time. I fidgeted for the whole time - I moved my chair, went to get a drink or wandered around the garden. My friend on the other hand was in her chair for the duration. In fact 4 hours relaxing was a record for me and that was only possible because that took place after a holiday of 2 weeks.

I would suggest my friend was in cruise control and I was in 1st gear! I wouldn't dream of running my car in 1st all day so why do I think I can do that to myself?

I can hear some people saying they don't need to do nothing and anyway it's such a waste of time. I met someone last year who worked 60 hours a week and then relaxed by being on so many committees and in what time he had left was on the golf club!! Wired wasn't the word for him!

Quite time doing nothing daily helps our mind, body and soul in so many ways. Just try it for a week and notice the positive impact.

PASSION in Business

27 April 2010

I realised I talked a lot about business values and hadn't written any myself so I rectified that the other week. Imagine my surprise when they started to spell the word PASSION and even more when I realised the first value would be profitability!!

PASSION - without passion where would a business be!

Profitability - a reminder for me that we wont be able to keep doing what we're doing unless the work we do is profitable. Others may not need reminding but I do otherwise I'll keep forgetting to value (ie charge for) the service we provide. I love that it ended up being first on the list. We'll also apply this value when dealing with suppliers and other partners.

Authenticity - about saying "No" not "Yes" if that's the right thing to do and searching for those who we can easily say yes to because they accept us for who we are.

Sustainability - ensuring actions allow for the sustainability of our business, others' businesses and the planet.

Service - remembering why we do what we do ie to make a difference in others' lives by getting them back on track and connected to what gives them passion every day.

Intuition - not all business decisions will come with logic and lots of supportive data.

Openness - being honest sharing who we are and our journey and walking our talk even if we don't always find it easy.

Nurture -nurturing others so they may develop and grow and be the change they want to see in the world.

I'll let you know how we get on.

Inspiration to make a difference in the world in under 3 words

7 April 2010

Pathfinder, Simplicity in Crisis, Unlocking Profit, Making Genuine Connections and Light in the Dark (ok that's 4 words) have all been recent examples of missions identified in recent sessions with people.

The discussions arose whilst exploring the seven steps out of the creek. Many realised they had got as far as Mission and got stuck!! There seemed to be so many things they could be doing and therefore lots of potential customers. However they didn't seem to be quite generating the attraction they needed or weren't quite enjoying their work as much as they knew they could.

Ever since starting working for myself I've been told to find my niche. The desire not to restrict potential customers has meant I'd ignored doing that. Until I realised that I could have more passion every day if I stuck to what I was really really good at than trying to do things I was just good at. Of course I'd also be doing what provided the most value to my clients too.

To get the answers above we just explored what we were really really good at (and enjoyed and had passion for) - and more importantly what benefit/value it delivered to our customers. The hard part was then identifying 2/3 words to describe the work that inspired us. We could look at what words we'd use with clients later - our mission is something we can connect with that provides daily inspiration and a reminder why we do what we do and how we can make the biggest difference in the world.

Recharge your batteries

5 April 2010

I don't know about you but I have to keep an eye on my energy levels. A recent increase in activity and enthusiasm has meant the need to recharge my batteries has been at the forefront of my mind.

So imagine the scene - I've just sent some emails mentioning the need for me to ensure my energy levels are maintained. I walk into the kitchen and decide to make myself some porridge. I put the spoon into the box to bring out some oats and what comes out but some oats and an AA battery!!!

A long story how they (there was 2) got there but a great reminder that recharging our batteries is as much about what we eat as it is exercise and everything else we do.

It starts with giving

1 April 2010

At a recent workshop I tracked a number of my projects to highlight the benefits of networking. However when I traced the work back to it's origin I realised that that was more about giving than getting. Yes I'd got some work out of the interactions but the original intention was more about me sharing myself and being of service to others.

The examples of giving included: Volunteering for Young Enterprise and Action For Children, offering advice and sharing thoughts on LinkedIn discussions, sending congratulations to fellow purchasers on their success, ad-hoc coaching, sharing articles, speaking, introducing people and general enthusiasm for other people's books, workshops and groups.

The key of course was giving with no attachment to outcome other than to be of help and assistance and because it made sense.

Simply STOP what you're doing

21 March 2010

In the book I've written Stop is the first step out of the creek and getting back on track. The more I work with people and talk on the subject the more important I realise Stopping is when doing anything in life.

It's easy to understand metaphorically when we're up the creek that stopping would be useful. It's easy to understand that to not continue to move up the creek any further might be useful. It's easy to understand that stopping might provide time to assess the situation and understand what direction to take in the future. It's also easy to understand that going around like a headless chicken isn't helping. It just doesn't seem so easy to do it and STOP. It's as if the one thing that would help - ie stopping is the one thing we're unable or unwilling to do.

What I realise is stopping is important at any new turn in the river not just when we're up the creek. That is before committing to taking a particular course in the river stop and reflect on what's driving the decision and understand how it aligns with your passion and purpose in life. It's only then that you can ensure you start to avoid the creeks in life.

Love and Acceptance

21 March 2010

Please find below highlights and insights from a solo Transformation Game with the intention 'I intend to love and accept myself exactly as I am'. Further details of the process used can be found in the 'Transformation Game' article found on the list of articles on the RHS of this screen.

Please note the Transformation Game is used with a personal rather than business audience. Some of the language and examples used therefore are more appropriate for a personal audience - I have however chosen not to translate nor amend the notes here. Instead I invite you to simply amend any words or ignore any examples that get in the way of your learning and any insight taking place.

I have used a game played on behalf of a character from my forthcoming book and facilitated by her coach. Anne is 35 and got divorced three years ago. Whilst everyone else thinks she's doing well she's constantly tired and certainly isn't as happy as everyone expects her to be.

For Anne the challenge with loving herself exactly as she is has been the constant need for development and belief that there's a perfect state of being that she needs to attain. Which meant she realised that she would only love herself when she achieves that state of perfection and not before!

What about you? Before reading further you may wish to spend some time considering your own relationship with the intention. Do you love and accept yourself exactly as you are? If not are there certain times or certain people who help you to do this and others who hinder? How would life be different if you did? With that in mind please consider your reaction to the following cards, and where helpful Anne's interpretation (Playing a game, whether on your own, with others, facilitated or not would of course add a depth of exploration we've not been able to share here):

Angel: of Delight :-).
For Anne this was a reminder to enjoy the journey of life not make it about continual improvement. Which of recent times seems to have reinforced a belief in the lack of perfection rather than see the perfection in simply being.

Insight: You are able to point out a friends lack of awareness without appearing judgmental or making them feel inadequate or inferior.
Which prompted her coach to ask Anne if she can do this with others why not herself? A reminder that she wasn't inadequate nor inferior even if she had things she wanted to change.

Setback: You are setback by your infatuation.
The dictionary describes infatuation as 'a foolish or exaggerated passion'. They wondered in this context whether that meant that passion for perfection is foolish? Of course the key is understanding how that sets us back and for Anne it was the procrastination that comes from not doing things until she's got better or reached perfection! As Anne remembered a time when she did this then she realised it's also taking a lot to energy to hold herself back from doing all those things she wants to do in the world. No wonder she was tired!

(If you're exploring your own relationship to the cards you may want to identify and fully describe a time when you were set back infatuation too. This is the case for all setbacks as connecting with the pain involved may help release the setback.)

Angel: of Purification.
For Anne connecting to this energy felt like a release of all the beliefs that she had that had kept her infatuated with perfection. "A bit like turning off the PC and turning it on again when we've tried everything else to resolve a problem!" she said.

Insight: You meet the needs of others as though they were your own.
When Anne thought about doing this, because her focus was on being of service to the other person, she forgot about the unhelpful beliefs and just accepted that who she was enough.

Setback: You are set back by your resentment.
Yes resentment of all those people who Anne thought had achieved perfection and who she'd put up on a pedestal! The real setback was resentment took up time and energy and resulted in lack of focus on what she wanted to be doing. So a reminder to start taking the initiative and also be grateful and appreciative when she saw people clearly doing what she knew she wanted and could do.

Insight: You stepped out and crossed over the line beyond your dreams, beyond your drama and into the truth of life.
Anne loved this card. She said "It's such a great reminder to just blinking get on with it and stop faffing about!". Life could be so much more than it is and Anne realised it was only herself stopping her doing that!

Setback: "I'm not willing to put myself out there unless I'm 100% sure"
A GREAT reminder that this belief still has the capacity to stop us in our tracks! That stepping out beyond our drama means putting ourselves out there NOW.

(What about you? what could you do today to put yourself out there? Whilst reading our interpretations might be useful finding your own relationship with the cards will help you understand any actions you could be taking.)

Insight: Tough assignments are only given to the best students.
:-) - A reminder Anne could handle it.

Setback: You are set back by your defensiveness.
Anne got very defensive when discussing this card. As she connected with the feeling of defensiveness she realised she stopped listening, started defending and justifying and just dug herself into a big hole. A hole that took some time to get out of once the reason for the defences had gone. Not that helpful really she realised.

(What are you being defensive about?)

Setback: You are set back by your attachment.
Anne realised she was attached to 'developing' and that attachment was driving a lot of behaviours which were getting in the way of being in the moment and enjoying the journey. Which continued from the last setback on not listening and added: not noticing, not enjoying, not exploring, not laughing, not.. not... not... mmm which sort of defeats the object she realised!

Which Anne summarised when she said "I'm making it much too much hard work and I need to get into that energy of Delight, Transformation and Magic that I talk about often not this constant not being enough anal gazing!"

Insight: I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
They did laugh when this card emerged as it seemed to be suggesting Anne was nearly there even if she still had one more insight to go. The 5 awareness tokens (rather than 3 for most insights) that came with the card were a reminder of the benefit to be gained from truly embracing this affirmation. Anne started to understand how life would be different as a result and how happiness was in the moment not something to be found when certain criteria where achieved.

Anne's last card was
Insight: I forgive everyone, I forgive myself, I forgive all past experience. I am free!
Which seemed to be about forgiving herself for the past and fully connecting with the angel of delight!

(What about you? How do you relate differently to the affirmation ' I love and accept myself exactly as I am'? What actions have you identified as you read these notes - when will you take them? Do you need to share them with anyone to ensure they get done?)

The process, insight, setback and angel cards used here are from the Transformation Game copyright Innerlinks http://www.innerlinks.com/.

The Transformation Game can be purchased from Amazon and Findhorn. Facilitated games are available worldwide and games for 1-12 people are currently available in Scotland with the author and other UK locations and worldwide if you want me there in the future.

Business values - time to wake up and smell the coffee

9 March 2010

As a business owner do your business values reflect your own personal values or do they additionally include values that ensure the sustainability of the business? As a manager of an organisation are the values consistent with still being here in a year's time?

In the preparation for a session I facilitated I had to explore a variety of business values statements and I was surprised with what I found. Values statements are intended to reflect the values that will ensure those working for the organisation know why they're doing what they're doing and how to do it.

Lets just compare 3 organisations stated values:
Microsoft
Integrity, Honesty, Openness, Personal Excellence, Constructive Self Criticism, Continual Self Improvement and Mutual Respect.
Body Shop
Against Animal Testing, Support Community Trade, Active Self Esteem, Defend Human Rights, Protect Our Planet.
Innocent Drinks
Natural, Entrepreneurial, Generous, Commercial, Responsible.

I'd suggest looking at the values statements that Innocent Drinks is the one that has taken seriously the need for the values to reflect reality and to include the need to sustain the organisation in the future.

A real eye opener for me and a reminder that my business isn't me and needs to have different (or perhaps just additional) values that are more entrepreneurial.

When did you last turn your mobile off?

9 March 2010

..and I mean for more than an hour for a meeting? Asking people this question has generated such a great response with lots of "Yes ...but" excuses and yes I mean excuses. Is anything so important 365 days a year to mean we can't have just one day without access to the phone?

I went to Islay the other weekend and had 5 days without turning on my PC. Yes no LinkedIn, no Twitter and no blog for 5 days!! However despite intermittent reception I never turned my mobile off - now that would have been a step too far!!

However it was in one remote part of the island where I could hear nothing except nature (water, wind, seals, birds etc) that I finally got it. I could feel myself letting go of all the constant doing and I relaxed and of course life seemed a lot different from this more grounded place.

The first step out of the creek is Stop and it really means STOP. Take time to ground and feel connected to nature and the living world around you. It's only then that you can be certain that decisions made are not based on fear.

So if your response to me suggesting you turn your phone off is "that's cool and a great idea" you don't really need to. If your response involves any excuses I'd suggest you do.

Are you connected to or have you abandoned your personal values?

18 February 2010

I've had lots of conversations with people over the last few weeks either unhappy and unmotivated themselves or with unhappy and unmotivated people working for them. In all cases this was negatively impacting the company's brand.

The problem seemed to be the non alignment of values between the individuals and the company. In fact not non alignment as much as they'd abandoned their values!! The WHY they had allowed this to happen had a few components.

In some cases the person just wasn't clear enough about what their personal mission statement was. So they joined or even set up an organisation that seemed to meet their needs and then became unhappy when their unconscious needs weren't being met. Understanding what motivates you and the outcome you want to have on others is really important in ensuring that you can jump out of bed with enthusiasm every day. This can take some time but is well worth the effort. I'd also suggest it doesn't have to be in words that others understand. This is about finding the words that best motivate you.

For example my personal mission is I'm a path finder - I help people transform their lives by getting them on their path. That may not make sense nor motivate anyone else but so long as that informs what I choose to do and what I choose not to do that's what's important. As you will see from my web site, blog, LinkedIn and Twitter I choose to translate this into Paddle Finder for career creeks. Clients find this description easier to understand what I can do for them and relate to.

If you're clear about your own personal mission statement it will be a lot easier to keep on track when aligning with an organisations mission. Are you clear about your personal mission?

The other type of situation was people joining an organisation where their values were not aligned with those of the organisation. They therefore then apply and operate from their values when working on behalf of the organisation. The problem here is that others then see how they operate as representing the organisation. Which can significantly and sometimes negatively impact the perception of the organisation's brand.

Agreeing values statements and code of behaviour to meet these values is one solution. However sometimes it's simply the case that the person's values will always conflict with those of the organisation and they should not continue to work there. A hard decision but one that is best for both in the long run.

How does you personal mission statement align with that of the organisation? What changes do you need to make to achieve better alignment?

Improvement in my health and fitness means more Paddles found!

15 February 2010

Is your means of inspiration restricting your success?

I had a conversation with my personal trainer about my health and fitness goals and realised the reason for their success or failure will be the same as any goal I set myself. That is:

• without clarity of direction - how do I know what action to take
• without inspiration and motivation - why bother
• without action - I'll never get anywhere

I think I'm clear about what I want (and if you're not see the Well Formed Outcome on the rhs of this blog). So if I can get the WHY right I'll be inspired to be motivated to take the necessary action and not sit here eating chocolates as I type this!!

Which has got me thinking about the different motivations we have for improving our health and fitness.

On my NLP trainer trainer we were introduced to 3 groups of motivators:

• Achievement
• Power
• Affiliation

We each have a preference for one of these which will mean we have different whys for health and fitness dependant on our preference:

• Achievement: to reduce weight by y, to run a marathon in under x hrs, to fit into a size z etc. Or not to fail at any of these.
• Power: to do what I choose rather than being limited by my health or fitness
• Affiliation: ......

And here's today's learning for me. I am motivated by affiliation but can see many reasons why this doesn't always work for me to achieve improvement in my health and fitness.

• I went to the gym every week with Di because I'd promised her and enjoyed her company. As soon as she was unavailable and subsequently moved I didn't go!!
• I went to a dance class and had fun with Lindsey. When her job changed and she couldn't make it the whooping in class wasn't the same and I found more reasons to not go.
• I now have a personal trainer and I enjoy the sessions and certainly don't want to let him down so attend sessions regularly. If he's on holiday I don't do anything!!!!
• When I had a lodger or have visitors I eat much more healthily. Living on my own doesn't provide the same motivation.

In the past I also realise my affiliative desire meant that health and fitness activities were undertaken to:

• Make myself more attractive
• Pacify family and friends who were nagging
• Be loved

But success was short lived. As my personal trainer said in a class the other week "If you don't love yourself first how can anyone else." Which is the crux of the problem. Affiliation naturally means we look outside ourselves for the reason why we do something. Our health and fitness is personal so how can we make that work?

Which still leaves me with a lack of sustained motivation for my health and fitness.

• If I had children I could use the motivation that I want to be able to play easily and tirelessly with them and even be here for my grandchildren. (I have to say I was very pleased I managed a handstand and cartwheel at Imogen's 3rd birthday party last year - so I can see that could inspire).
• I could try making health and fitness a means to an end and tie it into me being able to help more people transform their lives and get back on track. Every inch and every pound lost means another 1000 people transformed (based on increased longevity?). I can certainly feel the difference and will write that on a flip chart and put it on the wall in the kitchen.

But that still feels like a cop out.

• I wonder about connecting to my higher self and doing it for who I could be at my best? Which feels better and isn't about doing it for others.

I'll let you know how I get on - once I've finished the chocolates. Although as I've been typing the blog the words used have changed from health and fitness to MY health and fitness so something has shifted.

I'm not letting you get away with it either. What do you need to do to take charge of your lack of motivation and be inspired to take action?

Are you over extending yourself?

25 January 2010

During Personal Training today we did some boxing. During the session I got a few twinges from muscles that I knew I shouldn't be using. On assessing my technique we realised I was over extending myself. If I continued for too long then the twinges would turn into something with longer term damage and impact.

That got me wondering about how we over extend ourselves in life. We try too hard, we push to far, we do too much. In the short term perhaps not a problem at all. But just like in PT today if we continue the strategy of over extending then we can't help but be impacted in the long term.

If I'd got my technique right I'd have been more effective. Which reminds me of a fabby session with Graham Canning of the Kaizen Institute the other week that had me thinking about applying lean principles to every day life not just car manufacturing! Sometimes being effective it's not about doing more but less.

Who takes ownership of business communications

25 January 2010

In my last blog entry and in a couple of LinkedIn groups I issued a challenge to 'say it is as it is'.

It's interesting that whilst the example I used was a business one people suggested using caution when 'saying it as it is' personally. Quite rightly I was told that we don't just share an opinion with others without first considering the validity of them needing to hear our opinion nor consider their feelings. Empathy and rapport were both mentioned when considering the timing, words, tone and way in which the opinions are shared.

It made me wonder if that's what's missing in business communications? It's all too easy for someone to send out a company missive and hide behind the anonymity e.g:

* You're flight's been delayed by 3 hours and can't tell you any more.
* You're on the aircraft and the doors are closed but we're not taking off for 2 hours.

As soon as we spoke to a person - at the desk or the pilot - the message changed. There was certainly more empathy and rapport.

I'm not sure what the answer is but something to consider when asking business to say it as it is.

Say it as it is - campaign for 2010

13 January 2010

I'm typing this from the runway, near enough anyway as I am on the plane. I arrived at 05.00 and it's now nearly 6 hours later and I'm still at the same airport even if on a different flight to a different airport!!!

Not a lot any airline can do about the impact of snow on their ability to land aircraft safely. A lot an airline can do on how they choose to communicate to their travellers. I've had 2 different experiences so far this morning.

The first is the type I'm sure we'll all used to - corporate lines, half truths to reduce the potential costs or negative response from the customers. Or even worse being told what they think you want to hear rather than the truth. Frustrating to be at the receiving end of and no use to enable us to make decisions or understand why we're not getting the service we expect.

The second is the refreshing type of saying is as it is. The BMI Captain on BD053 this morning did just that. "Sorry we're not going anywhere - this is why and more importantly this is why we've boarded you and what we need to do to increase our chances of getting an earlier departure time. Yes that has repercussions on the options you have but it's a choice I've had to make." WOW - that's honesty - thank you. And I think has meant we're still here 2 hours later and relatively calm.

I certainly aim to operate from 'saying it as it is'. It's not always easy and I often get told that I shouldn't be so open. That is the clients don't need to know the choices we've had to make nor problems we might be having. I disagree not least because people have a 'flannel/waffle' filter and know even if unconsciously they're not getting told everything. Which can lead to unwarranted mistrust or worse.

So my call for action today is to 'say it is as it is', congratulate those who do and let those who don't know that you'd appreciate their honesty and openness.

Make 2010 a year to remember

8 December 2009

Flexibility - Values - Optimism - are the keys.

Well they were at the discussion I facilitated this morning at a 4n networking event on the above and I've like to share the highlights with you.

I do have access to a number of different tools to help set goals for 2010. However a comment at the Transformation game I facilitated at the weekend reminded me that we'll have a year to remember when we get our way of 'being' right!

With that thought in mind I didn't share my 7 step out of the creek process nor the NLP Well Formed Outcome process (although links to both can be found on the RHS of this blog). Instead I used the Frameworks for change Coaching Process (FCP - again see RHS for explanation of the process) and invited my audience to participate and find their own connections with the cards. Which you might like to do before I share mine:

Mentor: Flexibility
Insight: I model my values at work
Setback: "If I'm not winning, I find it hard to celebrate anyone else's success"
Insight: I'm willing to bear the discomfort involved in shifting perspective
Mentor: Optimism

Flexibility: To be open to make changes and think and act differently. What do you need to do to be more flexible?

I model my values at work: Do you really? What would that mean? I got tearful when facilitating today because this is something I feel strongly about and yet it gives me the most challenge. Can I walk my talk as I talked about in my last newsletter? Can I say NO to work because it doesn't align with my values even when the bank balance says YES!! What about you - what are you being asked to do to ensure you model your values at work?

"If I'm not winning - I find it hard to celebrate anyone else's success": We discussed the impact on us of others in communities or organisations saying this? If a business' sole focus is on sales that they're not getting how easy is it within that business to celebrate anything? The setback is the negative impact and spiral down that can have on everyone in the business. In some respects if we're not winning the best thing for morale is to start celebrating others successes. At least that will get everyone in the right mindset.

I'm willing to bear the discomfort involved in shifting perspective: Which is what we have to be able to do if things aren't working out for us. A mindset that allows us to stay positive and be flexible to make the necessary changes - even if it can be uncomfortable.

Optimism: For 2010 to be a year to remember we certainly need to be optimistic about that being a realistic outcome. Without optimism we might was well give up now and I for one know 2010 will be a year to remember -for all the right reasons.

What way of being do you need to embrace to ensure 2010 is a year to remember?

Sometimes you have all you need

7 December 2009

Over the weekend I was having visitors. We'd agreed in advance who was bringing what for lunch and refreshments etc. One item on my list was juice. On Friday night I looked in the fridge and realised I only had grapefruit juice and didn't think that offered enough choice. I believed I'd have to go out and buy some more juice early the next morning.

However the next morning my eye caught sight of some apples. It's only then I realised I certainly had all the ingredients for my speciality home made juice: apple, carrot, lime and ginger - mmmmm.

I then wondered how often in life we think we need to look outside ourselves for something when what we have inside is infinitely better.